Broken Pieces

"It is a wonder what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces." ~Samuel Chadwick

This quote really captured my attention today. As soon as I read it I found myself feeling very convicted. I began to evaluate my life and if I am truly giving God all the broken pieces of my life. I am talking about those broken pieces that have been harbored and held on to. I am talking about those broken pieces that have been nursed and kept alive through sadness, selfishness, and pain. I am talking about those broken pieces that I just swept under the rug instead of throwing them away with all the other broken pieces.



I think denial has a large root in my harboring of broken pieces. Have you ever said, "I'm fine" or "I'm over it"...yet deep down in your heart, you know that you aren't? Have you ever said, "Well, I have totally given it over to God...I will let Him take it now"...yet you know that you haven't truly asked God to take your burden? I have "given" many things to God over the years, only to reach back in and grab it right back out. I have had a death grip on many of my wounds. I'm not really sure if it is more of an ownership mindset...this happened to ME...no one else understands. It may be this false sense of entitlement...how dare they do this to me, I didn't deserve this treatment. Whatever it is, it has kept me from letting go. Whatever the reason, it has kept me in bondage.

"God creates out of nothing. Therefore, until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him." ~Martin Luther

I had to read this quote a couple of times to really grasp the depth of these wise words. The truth is, broken men and women have nothing to protect and nothing to lose. When you are genuinely broken, you are able to set aside everything...not just bits and pieces. It's not easy to be broken, though. Being genuinely broken is painful...it's humiliating, yet it is the only way. The only way for any restoration or revival in your life, you must be broken...you must put down your pride and accept the fact that you are broken and only God can heal your brokenness.

I have said many times this year..."2013 just hasn't been my year"...and I usually follow that with a little laugh. What most people don't know that deep inside the crevices of that little phrase lives a lot of pain and sadness...there is a lot of unknown heartache and trial in that blanket statement. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at your situation to keep from crying.

"Being broken is both God's work and ours. He brings the pressure to bear, but we have to make the choice...All day long the choice will be before us in a thousand ways." ~Roy Hession

God has had to put a lot of pressure on me throughout my life in order for me to break. He has had to use circumstances to expose my need in order to bring me to the end of myself. He did this again in 2013. I am apparently a very hard-headed learner. You would definitely think that by now I would surely have it somewhat together...yet the truth is, I don't. God is continually bringing on the pressure in order for me to get to the end of myself so that I can see the undeniable need for Him.

You know how I mentioned earlier that brokenness is painful and is at times humiliating? This could not be more true!! When you are broken, yet still have pride...prepare for a disaster. Instead of surrendering my pain and sadness to God, I chose to roll around in it for a while. I allowed myself to enter a dark place of depression, when all I needed to do was trust God and give it to Him. That all goes back to my previous post when I stated that I lost faith...my faith weakened and my selfishness grew. The more my faith faded...the more my self-awareness brightened. Self-absorption took over. It was a hot mess and a very slippery slope.

My decline into my selfishness led to destruction. I couldn't cope any longer. All I needed to do was reach up and allow God to pull me out, yet I felt stuck in my muck. I felt like I was in sinking sand and was slowly slipping under the tiny grains and only my head was above it. It wasn't until my life was spinning out of control and God got a hold of my heart and mind and jolted me back into reality, that I found my brokenness. I found my brokenness aside from selfishness and self-absorption. I found the end of me, and the only way out was God. I really do wish I would just get with the program and not have to have these life-altering lessons in order to get to the end of me and realize that God is my ONLY option. I am always amazed at God's relentless pursuit of me. He loves me so much that He is willing to deal with this hard-headed student. I am also amazed by His grace. Wow, without His mercy and grace, there is no telling where I would be right now at this very moment.

Getting to the end of me was not easy...it hasn't ever been an easy process. It literally wasn't until I got back into the Bible that I began to find the end of me and in turn receive hope. The Word of God has this unmatched power to soften even my darkest of heart...it softened the hardened soil and essentially shattered my stubborn self-life.

"Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow. O give me back my joy again; You have broken me - now let me rejoice." ~Psalm 51:7-8NLT

The moment I waved my "white flag" and surrendered, the battle stopped and I was able to see clearly. It was almost unbelievable to most of my friends. In fact, I know for sure I had quite a few that just didn't believe that I could have changed my direction from destruction to repentance and hope that quickly. You know what though? I couldn't worry about if I lost friends due to the instant healing God provided me in my darkest of moments...sure, it was hard and it hurt...but all in all, the only thing I could put my attention on was my God who delivered me from such a dark place. The enemy loves to throw pain my way...mostly because I cave...I wither under the pressure...and then the cycle starts all over again. The thing that the enemy knows and hates is that my God is so much bigger. He is going to pull me through each and every storm. I just have to continue to grow my faith and not waiver.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to the purposes for them." ~Romans 8:28 NLT

God is using my pain and stubbornness to help and encourage others. He is allowing that which was so dark to be used to shed His light. So, back to those broken pieces. I have chosen to lift up the rug and gather the stray broken pieces that I have hidden and disregarded and refused to give to God. I have chosen to be broken and am in the process of allowing God to mend me back together. The more I saturate myself in the Word of God, the stronger I will get in my faith. It is as simple as that. So that brings me back to the very first quote on this post:

"It is a wonder what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces." ~Samuel Chadwick

I am excited to find out.

Where is God in my Journey?

Last week I was meeting a sweet friend for dinner in lower Manhattan. The quaint little café was in an area of lower Manhattan that I haven't had a chance to explore yet, so it was unfamiliar to me. I got the address of where I was headed, plugged it into a handy little app called HopStop and started making my way downtown after work. It had already started getting dark by around 4:45pm, and by the time I got out of work around 5:45pm it was as if it were 10pm. I hopped on the subway, got off on 14th Street and made my way to 12th Street. I looked at my phone to see what the HopStop app said the address was again where I was meeting my friend.

As I approached the address, I realized it wasn't the right restaurant. In fact, I don't believe it was a restaurant at all...it was a convenient store or something similar to that. So, I texted my friend to ask her where exactly the place was. Am I completely missing it? Is it right in front of me and I don't know it? After a couple of texts back and forth I texted her the address that she had given me earlier in the day, 195 E. 2nd Avenue. I explained that according to my directions, 195 E. 2nd Avenue was near 12th Street. Well, it ended up that she meant to say 2nd Street, not Avenue...and let me tell you, it makes a HUGE difference!! About 11 blocks and a couple Avenues of difference! At that moment, I felt a little LOST. It was several blocks out of the way to the F Train which would drop me off very close to the destination. So, instead I chose to walk it. It was much quicker to walk it than to backtrack to the closest subway.



That's really the first time in a long time that I genuinely got lost in the City. Manhattan is really easy to navigate until you get into lower Manhattan when it's less of a grid and more of named streets and twists and turns. I ended up in Alphabet City (which was where I was supposed to be, thank goodness!!) I am happy to report that I met up with my patient friend, we had a wonderful time catching up over yummy dinner and perfect conversation...I was just oh about 45 minutes late. (If you know me at all, I absolutely HATE being late!)

Coming to the realization that you are lost is a very unnerving feeling. Suddenly what may have once felt familiar is now completely unknown. Your surroundings begin to feel very foreign. Sometimes, even if we are provided with directions, we can unknowingly be led astray.

I have had to face the fear of feeling lost many times in my life. I don't mean directionally...but personally, even spiritually. I think I am headed in the right direction. I give it my all...only for it to crumble right in front of my eyes. I have seen doors that I thought were opening for me completely close shut, leaving me feeling empty and...LOST. I feel like I am on a deserted island screaming out for help and not a soul is within earshot. Except. God. Although I cannot even come close to understanding what Joseph must have felt throughout the hardships of his life...I just wonder if there were times while he was facing those hardships that he somehow felt LOST? Yet, I know that he had so much faith. He knew that the God he served loved him so much. He knew that the God he served had a Divine plan for his life. I can learn so much from Joseph's faith.

Over the past year or so of my life, I have been faced with some very interesting situations and circumstances. Some of them have brought so much joy, while others have led me into a very dark place of loneliness and depression. It's been quite the roller coaster with me in 2013, and the more I learn, the more I realize why. You see, my faith has waivered over this year. I haven't truly trusted and given God EVERYTHING. I haven't allowed myself to rely on Him wholly and completely.

Now, some may feel overwhelmed with the need to judge me at this moment. Some may say that you should never admit to lacking in your faith in any way. However, I have this need to be honest with people...and I do realize that at times I can be too honest and share too much! I guess more than anything I don't want to spend my life pretending I am some spiritual giant when in fact I am learning each and every day through this journey of life. I want to be relevant. I want other people to be able to relate to my stories and possibly find encouragement in knowing that they aren't the only one who struggles with faith...or should I say the lack thereof.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Where is God in my journey?" Have you ever felt defeated and discouraged because you just aren't sure what decision to make or which direction to go? You feel LOST? You imagine God is up in heaven looking down upon you and saying, "Well, I hope she makes the right decision...I have told her what to do...hope she heard me and makes the right choice". Or maybe you imagine God is behind you. He is looking over your shoulder and just waiting for you to make a mistake or do the wrong thing. I have some encouraging words for you today. These are words of TRUTH that I desperately need as well.

God is not behind us. God is not above us. God goes BEFORE us! You see, it may be unknown to you, but it's not unknown to God! There is so much comfort in this truth! He already knew you would lose your job. He already knew that you would lose that precious baby. He already knew that your house would go into foreclosure, or that you would not have enough money to keep on the electricity. He knew that you would have that disease. He knew that you would still be single at 35 (yeah, that one was for me!! Haha!). My point is this, God already knows. When you are at a crossroad, much like I am at this point in my life (again), or a big decision is ahead of you - you may feel alone, but you aren't alone. You will never step into any situation or circumstance that God has not already been there.

There is something that Joseph understood that I need to embrace and implement in my daily life starting immediately...it is found in Genesis 50:20 NLT, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Joseph had incredible faith. He knew that no matter what he faced, God intended it all for good. So, that job that was lost...that disease that is racking your body with pain...that broken heart...the loss of a loved one...the loss of a home...the long season of singleness...each and every single situation and circumstance that we face, God intends it ALL for good! How awesome is that? It's got to stop being "head" knowledge and must move down into your heart...into the innermost being of your soul. This message is for me more than anyone else...I have got to believe and have faith.

Without faith...we have nothing.

Without faith we have fear, loneliness, sadness, guilt, shame, restlessness, sleepless nights, stress, anger...the list could go on forever. When we embrace TRUTH, our faith is strengthened. The more we seek God, the more our faith gets stronger and stronger. The more we worship and praise God, especially when we just don't think we can, the more our faith grows and grows. I don't know about you, but I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am thankful that God loves me so unconditionally and is so patient with me. If you are facing the same issues today, where your faith is a bit on the anemic side...start seeking God and find out what it is like to get a faith transfusion.



Casting Stones

Casting Stones

How many times have we as Christians found ourselves looking at someone's personal situation or circumstance and formed a judgment upon them? How many times have we looked down upon someone, completely bewildered and confused as to why they would make such a choice or decision? We formulate a hypothesis of how that person must be out of the will of God...after all, only good things happen when you are in the will of God. Clearly that person is in some sort of heinous sin or lifestyle and God is casting heavy discipline on them. 

We carry our self-righteous conclusions...at times we even verbalize them to that person, in Christian love of course...we make sure that it is crystal clear to that person that he/she must repent and get their life back on track. We share that person's situation or circumstance with fellow self-righteous, perfect Christians (in concern, of course) for that person. We join in "prayer" for that poor soul who is aimlessly floundering through one bad decision after another. We watch that person spiral down a slippery slope, hoping that one day God will be real enough to that person so that they will gain hope and clarity. We join hands with each other and support each other through the difficulty of having to deal with this person and their poor, destructive, and improper behavior. We choose to do what we feel is best for this person by alienating them, by giving them a version of "tough love".

We talk about how we need to show more compassion to the hurting...to those who don't know God...how we need to reach out a hand and help pull them up. However, it's just a warm, fuzzy, biblical speech that has nothing but the weight of phariseeical foundations throughout it.

Have you ever heard someone say "Love is a Verb"? Well it is. Love requires action. Love is a choice. Love is a lifeline. Love is an extension of our heart to another person. Words without action are empty. I say over and over again that I want to become a runner. I talk about how I need to commit myself to this endeavor. I look up the running plan of "Couch to 5k". I write it up, preparing for each day. I have all the best intentions in the world. I have no plans of not following through. The day comes that my training officially begins...the day that will require ACTION. For one poor excuse or another I fail to follow through. The plan was there, the preparation was taken, the end result was all mapped out. Yet, no action. Have I run a 5k yet? Nope. It not only takes good intentions, lofty goals, positive talk...it takes action. 

Is this an accusatory post? No, it's not intended to be. If anyone needs to read this it is me. I will never stand before you claiming perfection. I will never say I have it all figured out...and honestly, if you know me at all you are fully aware of my flaws! The point of this post is to simply shed light on the importance of putting action behind our words. If you say that you love someone, show them. Just telling someone you love them and that you really care about them is only one part of the complex equation. 

The ministry of Jesus was nothing but words in action. He showed His love through actions that shook the destructive direction of the universe. His love for us is unconditional, passionate, relentless, and ultimately rescuing us from eternal damnation. If Jesus just talked the talk and never backed up any of His words with action, we would all be destined for an eternity in hell. When Jesus was hanging on the cross, He could have used His "talk" and could have commanded 10,000 angels to release Him from the excruciating pain of the cross and take Him up to heaven, but because of His understanding of the power of the cross and the fact that His action would save all mankind, Jesus was called to action and suffered in our place. Beautiful words in action. What a mighty God.

Love is a verb.

How many times do we pick up little stones (meant to represent our own self-conceived wisdom and piety) on our journey in life? We find a stone that grabs our attention, put it in our bag of pious hypocrisy, and continue about our daily life. We look at others, expound on all the spiritual wisdom we have accumulated over our journey...we talk, talk, talk...while gathering what we feel are "spiritual" stones...only to  use to throw at other with the misguided intention of helping them, of course. We find a fellow sojourner who is struggling...maybe they are in the midst of sin (by the way, we are ALL in the "midst of sin") and they are drowning. 

It's time we stop casting stones at those who need love. Sometimes it's not only about the words you share with them, it's about the love you show them. Take action like Jesus did with the woman at the well. Instead of allowing those Pharisees to stone this woman to death for being caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus said "He who has no sin, cast the first stone". Jesus took action...He wrote something in the dirt (what I wouldn't give to have been able to see what He wrote in the dirt)...ultimately causing those Pharisee's one by one walk away...from the oldest to the youngest. Jesus took another action...He lovingly asked her, "where are your accusers?" and He called her to action. "Go and sin no more". A beautiful story of unconditional love, grace, and mercy. 

Reach out to someone who is hurting today.  Not only tell them you will pray for them but go that extra step from words to action and ask them what you can DO to help. Love them with your words. Love them with your actions. Love. 

Don't allow yourself to be convinced that you can't really help someone...or that your action of love toward that person who desperately needs it would be in vain. Don't put expectations on the recipient of the action of your love, but rather view it as an action of obedience to God. Don't hold on to the responsibility and expect anything in return. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in that life. Take your hands off of it and allow God to do the rest, but don't use that as an excuse for you to stop continuing to show that person love.

It's time for us to not only talk the talk, but to also add that next element of our daily worship, and walk the walk. It's time we value other people...that we see them as God sees them. 

We have all casted our "spiritual" stones against another person before. Imposing our "wisdom" on them and in return expecting our profound and puffed up wisdom to magically fix that person. If we feel they haven't accepted our wisdom or haven't done exactly what we think they should have done, we throw the whole "well, I am just not going to reach out anymore"... "there is nothing else I can do to help you"... "It's in God'd hands now-I am walking away". I sure am thankful that God didn't decide to do that to us. 

Before you throw in the towel and give up on someone, search your heart and seek God on that decision before you abandon someone who desperately needs your love. 

This journey called life is complicated...it's difficult...it can be scary. We aren't meant to walk this life alone-we are supposed to walk hand in hand with our brothers and sisters...no matter what. This is my prayer as I continue to grow in my walk with the Lord and also my walk with the relationships He so graciously gave me. 

We need to love more. People are hurting. Time is running out. Drop the weight of false love and enter into a fulfilling life of actively loving others. 

It's Not Over

It's 8:30am on a Saturday morning. I usually sleep my mornings away on the weekend...catching up for what was lost all during the week. Today is different in every way. This morning as I awoke, the first thing I saw was a verse that was framed on the wall. It said, "For God has not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 This verse was an immediate comfort to me, because today is different than any other Saturday. Today I leave the hustle and bustle of NYC and head upstate about an hour. I am not sure how long this will be for, but this I do know... "I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Phil. 1:6 NLT

I will be taking an extended break from Facebook and just from any internet presence such as instagram and blogging. (Trust me, it's not going to be easy!!) But I am having to lay down all the distractions that may hinder me from getting the help that I need. I will be focusing on getting things in order in my own personal life and walk with Christ. I have no idea when I will be able to post any type of update...but I am taking very serious measures to face and heal what is broken in my life. 

God is so amazing. He knew I would wake up this morning with a little bit of fear looming over me. He knew that the framed verse on the wall would be an immediate comfort to me in a moment of my distress. I have been comforted by Scripture this morning...reminded that worry doesn't accomplish anything. Worry doesn't add one single second to my life. 

Luke 12:22-32
"Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, 'That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear.  For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing.  Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom." 

Those words from Jesus comfort me. They remind me of what a loving and powerful God I serve and know personally. Although the things of this world (circumstances, sadness, depression, hurts, disappointments, discouragements) will try to defeat us and knock us down for good, we have a Heavenly Father who loves us so much that He promises us LIFE. 

Genesis 50:20 NLT says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." The enemy has loved nothing more than to distract me from my Divine calling and purpose in this life. Although there were a few times I thought he just might win...my GOD was much bigger. 

Job 23:10 NLT says, "But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God's path; I have followed his ways and not turned aside.

I am facing a big day today...one that is filled with the unknown. I have moments of apprehension and moments of fear...and I am reminded of God's TRUTH that trumps any other voice out there trying to tell me differently. I am HIS. He gives me a spirit of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. So, I will take a giant leap of faith today toward healing and toward preparing myself and better equipping myself in order to help others in their desperate time of need. Please pray for me as I move toward this place of healing in my life. It won't be easy, but as a friend tells me often...anything worthwhile takes work and isn't easy. 

Love you, friends 

Such A Beautiful Way To Say Goodbye...

One year ago today, I was headed in to my 3rd shift job...I was distracted, overwhelmed with so many emotions. I was scared, sad, and in disbelief that my Dad was dying. After my shift ended at 8am that next morning, I drove to the hospice facility that he was transferred to from the hospital. I was not prepared for what I saw that morning. My dad was in pain...he wasn't eating anymore...my mom told me that he stopped communicating, aside from a few moans and ocassionally calling my mom's name "Bren".(I absolutely LOVED hearing my dad call my mom "Bren"...short for Brenda)

I walked into that hospice room that early morning. My mom was by my Daddy's side (as she had been for over 52 years...and the last couple months of that 52 years at his side in the hospital, barely leaving his side that entire time. She was such a faithful, loving, compassionate wife. It was dark in the room...my Dad was hooked up to on oxygen machine, an IV with morphine to keep him comfortable. They were no longer giving him medications to live...only to make his last moments more comfortable. As I watched my Daddy struggle to breathe...as he would pull out his oxygen...as he would struggle to rest...and just couldn't be calm...I remember that moment so vividly. I remember it as if it just happened. I remember looking at my mom...seeing the exhaustion in her eyes...seeing the fear in her eyes as she knew that it wasn't going to be long before the love of her life slipped into eternity.

My mom is one of the strongest women I know. She loved my Daddy and he loved her. I realized at that moment that something really special and precious to us was about to be lost...about to be gone, forever on this earth. My mom told me a few times that he just wasn't responding anymore...I think she could see the fear and hurt in my eyes when I didn't hear "hey, kiddo" from my dad when I walked in. She had to get close to him and tell him that I was there. He wasn't able to communicate with me...he just wrestled in pain and wasn't quite there anymore. I began to cry...longing to hear his voice just once more...but knowing that it just wasn't possible. There was just nothing that could have ever prepared me for that moment.

After a little bit of time passed I found myself so overwhelmed that I hugged my mom, checked to see if there was anything she needed, and told her I had to go. She completely understood. As I was getting ready to leave, I stood over by my Daddy's side...grabbed his hand...and I leaned in close to his ear and said "I love you, Dad". I gave him a kiss on his forehead, gave his hand one last squeeze and I turned to walk away...what happened next was the most precious gift that God could have EVER given me...as I was walking away, my Daddy said with all of the strength he could muster..."I LOVE YOU!"

That was my last encounter with my Daddy. The very last words either of us spoke to each other were: "I LOVE YOU". Such a beautiful way to say goodbye.

Not a single day goes by that I don't miss my Daddy. I think of him all of the time and long to hear his voice or his laugh...I wish I could see his contagious smile once more...One day I will see him again, and until then I will forever have the precious memories of my Daddy...and best of all the precious gift of such a beautiful goodbye.

Tomorrow you will have been gone an entire year...it's hard to believe. Can't wait to see you again! "I LOVE YOU"...

Oh how I miss you.

Knock, Knock...Who's There?

"What is TRUE?"
This question has the ability to successfully navigate you through your day. Just recently Pastor Jim Cymbala spoke on the subject of "Headshots". He explained that as a police officer, you are trained to shoot for mass...when aiming at a subject, you find the largest area of mass and shoot. Now if you are being trained as a sniper, you no longer aim for mass...you aim for the head. That is exactly what the enemy aims for...our MIND. He wants to take us out. He wants to immobilize us. He finds great joy in tripping us up and tricking us into believing lies. Once we allow the lies to take root in our heart, it's just a matter of time before we begin to believe that those lies are legit.

Ephesians 6:17 (NLT) says, "Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

There are two very important instructions given to us in this verse.

(1) Put on salvation as your helmet. We have GOT to protect our mind. We cannot just allow any and every thought to gain access into our minds. In NYC (and in a lot of other places too) you cannot just walk up to a residential building and walk in. There are usually two locked doors before you ever gain access into the building. You need to have a key to the building, or you need to know someone who lives in that building so that you can buzz them, tell them who you are, and then they will buzz you in to the building. Especially since the 9/11 attacks, heightened security is all over this City. You cannot just walk into any corporate high rise building and go to whatever floor you want to go to. The first thing you have to do is go to the security desk. They ask for your name, your ID, and who you are expecting to meet with. If you can't supply those things, you will not gain access into the building. All of these policies are in place to ensure the safety of those you are visiting. It's a level of protection.

Since the enemy works essentially like a sniper...he aims for our head; our mind. He intends on injuring us and taking us out completely. He isn't satisfied with a small set back or a temporary hiatus. The enemy want us to be completely and totally useless for God. So, we must be intentional when it comes to protecting our minds. We need to put on our helmet of salvation. We must cover our mind with God's love and saving power.

(2) And take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. As a Christian, it is vital to always have the Word of God in our hearts. There is power in the Word. There are promises and truths that will always trump any lie that the enemy feeds us. Truth is truth...whether we feel it or not. For instance II Corinthians 10:5 says this, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." This scripture is an excellent reminder that our mind will be bombarded with false thoughts that are planted by the enemy. The enemy has been doing the same thing over and over for thousands of years. All he wants to do is make you feel for one moment that your ways are so much higher and better than God's. He wants us to think that there is so much more joy outside of God's will...that life is more fulfilling when we live for ourselves. Sound a lot like what he did to Eve in the Garden of Eden. The enemy planted the lie in her mind that if she ate of the fruit, she would have the knowledge and understanding equal to God. We all know how that turned out for Eve...not so good. At the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. It was exhilarating and daring. The consequences of believing the enemy's lie has bled throughout the entire universe. We are all experiencing the effects of a mind that was not properly guarded.

Every day is a battle. Some days I feel so victorious. I start my day with a smile, feeling like I can conquer the world. All it takes is one thought, one negative memory, one hurtful conversation to completely deflate the upward direction of my day. I blindly allow Mr. Negative Thought to enter the gates of my mind. He buzzes up to my apartment and instead of asking who is there, I just hit the buzzer and allow him to come on in. It's very unwise to just let any and every thought in. I know this first hand. I probably think (dwell on the past) more than the average person. I am always re-hashing situations and conversations over and over in my mind. They play on a looped schedule...one right after another. I begin to experience the hurt all over again. It directly affects my mood...the atmosphere of my mind is compromised. Dwelling and meditating on a negative experience opens the door for more lies and more hurts to come flooding in. The enemy just wants us to replay painful situations over and over until we are injured all over again. He wants us to be so consumed with ourselves that no one else exists.

Do you remember the game "Red Rover"? We used to play it all of the time in elementary school. We would link arms with each other, then yell out the little Red Rover chant and announce the name of the person we would like to see try to come over to our side and break through our locked arms. There can be a lot learned by this game...When you lock arms with other believers through prayer, fellowship, encouragement, discipleship, it makes it that much more difficult for the enemy to break through our arms. If it is a strong chain, the enemy will never make it through. It takes more than just one person though. We all need to come together as a force. We need to stop talking about how we should "encourage" other people and actually put it into action. Iron sharpens iron. Friends sharpen friends.

I am in a constant state of being under construction...there are so many things I need to work on. I have walls that need to be demolished and replaced with a strong and sure foundation in the Lord. I have great days, and then not so great days. I will have victory over my thoughts in one part of my day, and in that very same day have what I feel to be a complete failure. I was reminded recently that the process of "renewing your mind" is not an overnight fix. It is a process. I love instant gratification. We live in a world of NOW. When it comes to changing a thought pattern and a state of mind that has been all you have ever known, it is going to take a lot of time. What I do know is that the more I practice checking my thoughts at the door of my mind before granting them access into the very presence of my mind, the stronger I will become. This will require being completely INTENTIONAL. It's not easy, but completely worth it.

Will you join me in this fight against the negative and false thoughts that bombard us every moment of the day? Pray with me...Together we can lock arms and bounce the enemy right off of our arms. We can be like the Geico commercial when Dikembe Mutombo intercepts whatever is being tossed his way and says with laugh and a wagging finger, "NOT IN MY HOUSE, HAHAHA", and hits the object sending it in the opposite direction.

Be encouraged friend. Remember that what the enemy used against us and meant to harm us, God promises to use for GOOD. We just have to let Him! It's a minute by minute process for me right now. I am having to be more aware of my thoughts and quick to bat away any that are untrue and that have the potential to breed negativity. We can do this together. God wants us to live a life of freedom. We just have to take the steps toward freedom. I have started to step out in my quest for real freedom. This is going to consist of facing things in my past that maybe I wished could be forever forgotten, but once these things are brought to light I will then begin to experience the freedom that God wants for me. He desires this freedom in your life too.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
~Henry David Thoreau

When it came to dreaming, my dad and I were two peas in a pod! We always found ourselves talking about things we wished we could do, places we wished we could see. Just before he got really sick and had to go to the hospital the very last time, I remember we were sitting in the living room and we started joking about winning the lottery...then it began. We started dreaming about what we would do with the money. I think we probably sat there for about 30 minutes just spouting out extravagant scenarios and how we would do great things for other people with all of our newly acquired fortune! How he would get the Cadillac that he always wanted, and how I would find the perfect Loft Apartment in NYC. It produced this warm fuzzy atmosphere...filled of hope and dreams...then, BAM!!! My mom, being the realist she is, would interject with how unlikely it would really be for us to win any kind of lottery...you know, the glass half-empty, "Debbie-Downer" kind of talk. Dad and I would hassle her, spouting off more ridiculous scenarios, how we should just go drive up to the gas station and buy some tickets, hear her unmistakable “sigh”, then look at each other and just laugh. My Dad and I just "got" each other. Dreamers understand and can identify with other dreamers. My Dad and I shared a common ground. He moved from Kentucky to Michigan to learn how to be a mechanic when he was just 15 years old. I graduated from High School when I was 16 and moved from Ohio to Missouri to go to school to study music. I guess you could describe me as a "free spirit". I mean, it should make complete sense...I am the baby of the family. The babies of the family are kind of known for being "free spirits"...along with other more inaccurate assumptions!! ;) I wasn't spoiled!! My parents did not "spare the rod and spoil the child". I definitely got my share of spankings growing up! (I even had to choose my own switch once when I was 5…I learned the hard way that smaller was NOT better!)

I just love the fact that God made each and every one of us so uniquely. Even though my mom is quite the realist, it helped even out my dad's dreaming tendencies! Of course in my eyes, I viewed my mom's realism as a party pooper! Now that I have grown and experienced more in my life, I realize that her realism is very necessary at times.

Back to our being made uniquely by God...I love the fact that God knew me before I was ever even in my mother's womb. He knit me together...the dreaming aspect of who I am and all. He specifically knitted me together with the passion for music and to worship Him with my voice. He knitted me together with the love to draw and paint and most of all mindlessly doodle. He knitted me together with the very genuine love I have for people. From the time I was old enough to talk, I never met a stranger. I loved everybody. (**insert my realist mom again...she about DIED whenever I would talk to a complete stranger, just knowing that I would get kidnapped someday. By God's grace, I was never kidnapped!**) God also knitted me together with a desire to worship Him, to encourage others, to allow the things that have happened in my life to bring Him glory in order to point others who are also hurting directly to the One who rescued me.

Every day I seem to discover something else about myself that will either make me crack up, humble me, or annoy me to no end. For instance, I am quite the perfectionist. I like to pretend that I am not...but because I am a perfectionist, even that isn't acceptable. I am really, really good with remembering people's names. (It's creepy) I am a list-maker. I will say "GOOD TIMES" when usually it actually isn't. I will crack jokes more often in an uncomfortable situation. I have a nervous giggle...I am completely aware when I am doing it...yet I cannot seem to stop **nervous giggle**. I smile a lot. I will literally have people say to me, "Where are you from? You aren't from here,” (NYC) “because you smile too much!" I am typically a happy, carefree, jovial person who genuinely cares about other people. I treasure friendship and will protect it to the end. I am a "big picture" person, who finds complete satisfaction in achieving the details along the way. I don't mind staying late for work or for a friend...but LOATHE having to come in super early or meet someone super early in the morning! I am a pen snob...I only like certain pens. (That may or may not be a little OCD--but I may or may not have come to terms with this! Ha!) I am quick to forgive, love, and share. All three tend to bite me in the butt at times...but after being so closed off to my emotions for so long, it feels amazing to be vulnerable and open again. I really want people to like me. I may act like it doesn't matter, but inside I really wish it were different. I will sing my sentences when I am overwhelmed. I cannot stand clutter on my desk, in my drawers, under my bed, in my closet. I like organization (I blame my mother for that one!!)...yet I am spontaneous. I describe my hairstyle at times as "organized chaos". I will make my bed at night before I get in it...hey, don't judge! ;) The list is really endless.

I share these things because I think it is amazing how God creates all of us so differently with unique talents, passions, dreams, and goals. When God created me, I would like to believe He blew the attitude of a "free spirit" into my being. We all have completely different strengths...yet we are all given a chance to enhance what we have been blessed with, and even better we are given chances to develop other areas of our life that we are a little weaker in.

Each one of us are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are hand-crafted in His image...yet so wonderfully unique. I am learning to embrace the things that annoy me; learning to thank God for the things that humble me; and taking the time to smile at the things that crack me up. We are all beautiful in our own special way.

Jeremiah 1:5 NIV "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."

LoVe

It just seems appropriate that since Hallmark has decided that February be a month focused specifically on love, that I would write about it. I, however, am writing from a different perspective than the way that the traditional Valentine's Day Hallmark Card tends to typically focus on. When you have expercienced love from the very Creator of love...the One who is called Love...you have experienced an authentic, genuine and unconditional type of love; a love that can only come from God.

"If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

[Chorus]
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours"

The lyrics above are from the song "Love Came Down" that was written and sung by one of my favorite Christian artists, Kari Jobe.

I am pretty sure we all have had those moments when we become so incredibly overwhelmed by a feeling or circumstance that we almost lose all focus. We lose all ability to hear any voice of reason. Suddenly everything around us becomes invisible, and all we can seem to put all of our attention on is ourselves. I have these moments more often than I would like to admit. There is hope though! I have come a long way and with each "moment", I am able to see the mighty hand of God in each circumstance.

God's faithfulness in my life really blows my mind. I am so humbled and amazed by how much God loves me. He will go out of His way to show me that love. There just aren't adequate words to describe how it impacts my life when He prompts others to pray for me, to come up and hug me, to simply smile at me and say hello. It in turn reminds me how important it is to reach out to other people and just love on them! A smile can turns someone's day around. Trust me, I know firsthand!


"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken."
Psalm 34:17-20 (ESV)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Isn't that beautiful? He loves us so much! We sang the bridge to one of my favorite worship songs at church last night...and the bridge is really quite simple - yet incredibly profound. The beginning of it goes: "He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves"...as I was singing this last night, I was overwhelmed with the love that my God has for me. If you would have talked to me exactly one week ago yesterday, you would have spoken with a person who was allowing her emotions and feelings dictate her reality. You would have spoken with a person who was under an attack from the enemy...who was believing the lies that were being whispered into her head..."you will never be good enough", "there is no way you will ever fit in", "no one really cares if you are there or not", "no one will really love you, you aren't worth it". These lies permeated my mind and began to try to take root there. I am learning, as Pastor Cymbala spoke, that we face attacks from the enemy typically in two situations: when you have recently experienced a spiritual high...or when you have experienced a broken heart. I have experienced both of these scenarios as of recent, so I was just a prime target for the enemy to attack. I almost fell for it. ALMOST!!!

A week ago today, through the prayers of faithful friends and through the love and faithfulness of God, I was able to cast those lies that I was beginning to believe into the trash. I began to claim God's promises...that He began a good work in me and that He will be faithful to complete it. I began to remember that He placed me here in NYC and specifically at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. You see, what the enemy wants me to lose focus on and completely forget is the fact that I am GOD'S. The enemy wants me to forget that I have a Divine Calling, that God has some amazing plans ahead for me, and that I am moving forward in the will of God. The enemy wants me to focus on myself...my shortcomings...the times that I have failed...the things I have allowed myself to think about or say that aren't in line with what God is all about. The enemy would love to take another 8 years of my life and sit me back down on that freezing cold spot on the bench that I once kept nice and toasty.

But guess what enemy??

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

Just like my pastor just recently said, "Nothing in this world builds faith like a good fight with the devil"...AMEN to that!! I feel even stronger and more determined to stay on track and focus with what God has called me to do. God uses these moments to help prepare me to in turn help others. That's what it's all about...reaching past yourself and extending love, mercy, grace, and hope to others who so desperately need it. It's not about ME...It's all about giving God the glory for His steadfast faithfulness in my life.

Everyone deals with similar struggles...you are never alone in your hurt or in the way you may be feeling. The enemy wants you to feel as if you are, though. It's his first line of defense between you and God. He wants you to seclude yourself, isolate yourself; he wants you to think you are all alone in this struggle and that absolutely no one can help you; he wants you to believe that no one cares about you and that you will never be able to find peace and joy. The enemy gets down and dirty. He doesn't care what type of hurt he inflicts on you. All he wants to ensure is that you are indeed injured...that you are hurt beyond what you would ever believe could be repaired...and that you are successfully sidelined and of no use in the work of God. Don't believe the lies. That is all they are...LIES!

God's love for us is so wide...so deep...and so GREAT! I am thankful for His faithfulness.

2013...

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10 NLT

This verse was shared last night by my pastor, Jim Cymbala, at our New Year's Eve service. Although we do not know exactly what the future may hold...or even if tomorrow will come...there are some key things that we will definitely experience within this next year. Pastor went on to share three specific key things we will experience, and I want to share them with you!

1. We will be attacked by fear, apprehension, and anxiety.
    But God says..."Do not be afraid"..."for I am with you". We will never be alone. God is always  
    right there. Fear paralyzes. You cannot walk in fear and have faith. It's either one or the other.
    They cannot coexist.

2. We will be dismayed, or discouraged.
     But God says..."Do not be dismayed"..."for I am your God". Whenever we experience fear, we
     become dismayed. To be dismayed is to be overwhelmed; to not know what to do; to be  
     discouraged. So in Isaiah 41:10, God knew the process of our emotions. He knew that at some
     point we would face fear, and that it would in turn dismay us or overwhelm us or discourage us.

"DON'T BE AFRAID,  FOR I AM WITH YOU.

DON'T BE DISCOURAGED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD"

 

 

3. We will fall down or grow weak.

     But God says..."I will strengthen and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand".

     God promises that He will be OUR God...He will bend down, pick us up, and hold us safe in His

     right hand. He promises to strengthen us and to help us.

 

"I WILL STRENGTHEN AND HELP YOU.

I WILL HOLD YOU UP WITH MY VICTORIOUS RIGHT HAND'

 

God's promises are true, because He is Truth. His word is solid and faithful. God will come through for each and every one of us. All we need to do is remember God's promises and allow Him to lead our life. We need to turn to Him in prayer the moment we feel fear. The moment we are discouraged. The moment we are weak and feel that we are going to collapse. Turn to God...as the first choice, not the last resort.

 

I look forward to the things that God has in store for all of us in 2013. May God continually bless each and every one of you. Remember His promises...Remember that He loves you so much...and Remember to go to Him when you are afraid, sad, or weak. He will be there...He will be YOUR God...and He will strengthen you.