As I approached the address, I realized it wasn't the right restaurant. In fact, I don't believe it was a restaurant at all...it was a convenient store or something similar to that. So, I texted my friend to ask her where exactly the place was. Am I completely missing it? Is it right in front of me and I don't know it? After a couple of texts back and forth I texted her the address that she had given me earlier in the day, 195 E. 2nd Avenue. I explained that according to my directions, 195 E. 2nd Avenue was near 12th Street. Well, it ended up that she meant to say 2nd Street, not Avenue...and let me tell you, it makes a HUGE difference!! About 11 blocks and a couple Avenues of difference! At that moment, I felt a little LOST. It was several blocks out of the way to the F Train which would drop me off very close to the destination. So, instead I chose to walk it. It was much quicker to walk it than to backtrack to the closest subway.
That's really the first time in a long time that I genuinely got lost in the City. Manhattan is really easy to navigate until you get into lower Manhattan when it's less of a grid and more of named streets and twists and turns. I ended up in Alphabet City (which was where I was supposed to be, thank goodness!!) I am happy to report that I met up with my patient friend, we had a wonderful time catching up over yummy dinner and perfect conversation...I was just oh about 45 minutes late. (If you know me at all, I absolutely HATE being late!)
Coming to the realization that you are lost is a very unnerving feeling. Suddenly what may have once felt familiar is now completely unknown. Your surroundings begin to feel very foreign. Sometimes, even if we are provided with directions, we can unknowingly be led astray.
I have had to face the fear of feeling lost many times in my life. I don't mean directionally...but personally, even spiritually. I think I am headed in the right direction. I give it my all...only for it to crumble right in front of my eyes. I have seen doors that I thought were opening for me completely close shut, leaving me feeling empty and...LOST. I feel like I am on a deserted island screaming out for help and not a soul is within earshot. Except. God. Although I cannot even come close to understanding what Joseph must have felt throughout the hardships of his life...I just wonder if there were times while he was facing those hardships that he somehow felt LOST? Yet, I know that he had so much faith. He knew that the God he served loved him so much. He knew that the God he served had a Divine plan for his life. I can learn so much from Joseph's faith.
Over the past year or so of my life, I have been faced with some very interesting situations and circumstances. Some of them have brought so much joy, while others have led me into a very dark place of loneliness and depression. It's been quite the roller coaster with me in 2013, and the more I learn, the more I realize why. You see, my faith has waivered over this year. I haven't truly trusted and given God EVERYTHING. I haven't allowed myself to rely on Him wholly and completely.
Now, some may feel overwhelmed with the need to judge me at this moment. Some may say that you should never admit to lacking in your faith in any way. However, I have this need to be honest with people...and I do realize that at times I can be too honest and share too much! I guess more than anything I don't want to spend my life pretending I am some spiritual giant when in fact I am learning each and every day through this journey of life. I want to be relevant. I want other people to be able to relate to my stories and possibly find encouragement in knowing that they aren't the only one who struggles with faith...or should I say the lack thereof.
Have you ever asked yourself, "Where is God in my journey?" Have you ever felt defeated and discouraged because you just aren't sure what decision to make or which direction to go? You feel LOST? You imagine God is up in heaven looking down upon you and saying, "Well, I hope she makes the right decision...I have told her what to do...hope she heard me and makes the right choice". Or maybe you imagine God is behind you. He is looking over your shoulder and just waiting for you to make a mistake or do the wrong thing. I have some encouraging words for you today. These are words of TRUTH that I desperately need as well.
God is not behind us. God is not above us. God goes BEFORE us! You see, it may be unknown to you, but it's not unknown to God! There is so much comfort in this truth! He already knew you would lose your job. He already knew that you would lose that precious baby. He already knew that your house would go into foreclosure, or that you would not have enough money to keep on the electricity. He knew that you would have that disease. He knew that you would still be single at 35 (yeah, that one was for me!! Haha!). My point is this, God already knows. When you are at a crossroad, much like I am at this point in my life (again), or a big decision is ahead of you - you may feel alone, but you aren't alone. You will never step into any situation or circumstance that God has not already been there.
There is something that Joseph understood that I need to embrace and implement in my daily life starting immediately...it is found in Genesis 50:20 NLT, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Joseph had incredible faith. He knew that no matter what he faced, God intended it all for good. So, that job that was lost...that disease that is racking your body with pain...that broken heart...the loss of a loved one...the loss of a home...the long season of singleness...each and every single situation and circumstance that we face, God intends it ALL for good! How awesome is that? It's got to stop being "head" knowledge and must move down into your heart...into the innermost being of your soul. This message is for me more than anyone else...I have got to believe and have faith.
Without faith...we have nothing.
Without faith we have fear, loneliness, sadness, guilt, shame, restlessness, sleepless nights, stress, anger...the list could go on forever. When we embrace TRUTH, our faith is strengthened. The more we seek God, the more our faith gets stronger and stronger. The more we worship and praise God, especially when we just don't think we can, the more our faith grows and grows. I don't know about you, but I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am thankful that God loves me so unconditionally and is so patient with me. If you are facing the same issues today, where your faith is a bit on the anemic side...start seeking God and find out what it is like to get a faith transfusion.
