My roommate, Ebony, bought me a really great book for my birthday called "Undaunted: Daring to do what God calls you to do". It is written by Christine Caine. I had the opportunity to hear Christine speak at The Brooklyn Tabernacle in the summer of 2011, when I made my first attempt to live in NYC. I remember that her words and her testimony stuck with me months after I heard her speak. Her testimony is powerful and God used her testimony to reach down and stir my heart. She runs an amazing organization called A21 Campaign that fights to rescue sex slaves from human trafficking. If you haven't ever heard of this ministry, you should check out the website: http://www.thea21campaign.org/.
Christine's testimony is all throughout her book as well. It is such an encouragement and an eye-opener to the grace of God and just how much He really does love each and every one of us! It is also a sobering reminder to the fact that when God's hand is on us, we are His...we are safely and firmly planted in the palm of His hand. I haven't finished this book yet. I am about half way through, and just have so much to share. God is using this book to encourage me and to gently remind me of His love and mercy. I wanted to share with you how God is moving in my life, and maybe in return it will encourage another sweet friend along the way.
Living in the "Concrete Jungle" is not the easiest place in the world to live. Everything happens at morph speed. If you blink, you are officially 10 steps behind. It comes at you fast...and frankly, I LOVE IT. Now sure, I come from the mid-west...Ohio...and no I haven't ever bailed a stack of hay, milked a cow, or lived in a cabin in some remote area of Ohio. And yes...I do have ALL my teeth!! Ha! However, when compared to NYC, I can completely see why people would think and ask those things. There is just nothing quite like this big and beautiful city! Just like every city, it has it's pros and cons. Some things I was ready for...for instance I knew that when I sold my car (AWWW sweet "Stella"...how I miss my cute little black BMW Z3 Roadster Convertible) that I would be dealing with the headache of figuring out how to get around the city, to work, and to church. Yet there were things I just couldn't have prepared myself for...I just have had to live and learn. I stand by that phrase, "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere".
One of the biggest lessons I am learning right now is how to carefully select those who will be in my life, and I in their life. I am a very relational person. I love people. I am THAT person who never meets a stranger. For instance...when I was 4 years old, my mom took me along on a hospital visit. Being the pastor's wife, she would from time to time go to the hospital to visit a person from our church who was admitted. Well, for whatever reason my mom ended up leaving me in the waiting area until she was finished. I am not sure if they wouldn't allow me to go back or if my mom knew better than to take this crazy child back into a place where it needed to be quiet and calm. (she had a valid reason NOT to want to take me back...who knows, I probably would have pushed every shiny button and inadvertently caused the hospital bed to fold up like a taco with the patient inside and screaming for help - you chuckle, but I am kind of serious. I was an active little booger! HA!)
Anyway, back to the story...I remember sitting in a big chair, feet barely hanging off the edge of the seat, completely content while looking at my favorite "Highlights" magazine...searching for Waldo, when I saw an older woman across from me who looked distressed and a little scared. I put down my magazine, as I could feel the tug of my spirit directing me to sit beside this woman. It is amazing to me that even at the tender age of 4, I was sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. So I crawled up into the chair next to this woman and grabbed her hand. She told me that her husband just had a heart attack and that he was back there where my mom was. As soon as my mom came out, there I was with my new friend...loving on her and trying to comfort her. I never met a stranger...I only saw friends.
I have the best intentions with those who I call friend...and I always see the good in a person. I am trusting...and while that may seem like a good trait to have, it can be equally dangerous if it isn't carefully executed. I am that person who just wants to believe that every one's intentions are good...that they genuinely care...and that what they say is true. I mean, that is how I operate...why would it be different with anyone else? There are a million factors as to why it IS different for everyone else. We all come from different life journeys and experiences that have assisted in molding us into what we are now in the present. Not everyone has good intentions...and my hardest lesson still to this day is to understand that even Christians are guilty of not having good intentions. I am not a perfect person, and I too have had intentions that were not good. Whether we call ourselves a Christian or not, we will still do things that will hurt someone else.
Since moving to NYC in May, I have encountered some really amazing growth in my spiritual walk. I have been able to move past some things that really hurt me and haunted me, and have been able to move forward. I realize that when you are no longer "sidelined" by the enemy, he begins to fight you again and starts to stir up things that he knows tripped you up in the past. You see, the enemy just uses the same scenario over and over again because he knows what the weakness is and how to prey on us with those weaknesses. I have had two specific circumstances kind of rock my world since I have been here in NYC. Normally...well if we are going by previous circumstances...these situations would have completely buried me and defeated me. You see, what the enemy wasn't prepared for was the foundation I have rebuilt with my God. This foundation isn't easy to shake like my previous foundation was. Did these situations still hurt? Absolutely. You see, some circumstances that are put in our way try to take our soul. Whatever the source of the attack on our bodies, souls, and spirits...the hurt stings and the damage goes deep. I don't know if you are like me, but when life hurts me...I want a quick fix. The problem with this is that the damage typically doesn't happen overnight...and neither does the healing.
God promises us that his plans for us are good, not for evil. He wants to prosper us, not harm us. He plans to give us a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11) His promises are true and can be trusted. No matter what I have been through this far since I have been in NYC, I am confident that God will take those things that have been hard to deal with and that have been hurtful and He will use them for His glory. He is a faithful God. If we trust God with our wounded and broken heart, He will bring healing, restoration, and wholeness. What others may leave for broken...God sees as beautiful! He actually cherishes that broken life, and chooses to make it whole.
"The very thing that the enemy uses to try to destroy your life is the very thing God uses to help others. God can heal every hurt and can turn your scars into signs of strength for His glory. Your past mistakes, hurts, and pain can help give someone else a future. Whatever we have gone through enables us to help others. God doesn't waste one experience of our lives. He uses everything to help someone else. He doesn't want us to remain crippled, immobilized, or paralyzed by the past. Instead He sent us Jesus to show us how to step into the future." ~Christine Caine from her book "Undaunted: Daring to do what God calls you to do"
So with all of that said, my past is a catalyst for a brighter future. I can learn from these circumstances and come out on the other side a smarter, wiser, happier, more well-rounded person. Does the pain of the circumstance still hurt at times? Yes, but God is so much bigger and wants so much more for me...I can't stay in the pain...I have to work through it in order to become a stronger person.
