Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
~Henry David Thoreau

When it came to dreaming, my dad and I were two peas in a pod! We always found ourselves talking about things we wished we could do, places we wished we could see. Just before he got really sick and had to go to the hospital the very last time, I remember we were sitting in the living room and we started joking about winning the lottery...then it began. We started dreaming about what we would do with the money. I think we probably sat there for about 30 minutes just spouting out extravagant scenarios and how we would do great things for other people with all of our newly acquired fortune! How he would get the Cadillac that he always wanted, and how I would find the perfect Loft Apartment in NYC. It produced this warm fuzzy atmosphere...filled of hope and dreams...then, BAM!!! My mom, being the realist she is, would interject with how unlikely it would really be for us to win any kind of lottery...you know, the glass half-empty, "Debbie-Downer" kind of talk. Dad and I would hassle her, spouting off more ridiculous scenarios, how we should just go drive up to the gas station and buy some tickets, hear her unmistakable “sigh”, then look at each other and just laugh. My Dad and I just "got" each other. Dreamers understand and can identify with other dreamers. My Dad and I shared a common ground. He moved from Kentucky to Michigan to learn how to be a mechanic when he was just 15 years old. I graduated from High School when I was 16 and moved from Ohio to Missouri to go to school to study music. I guess you could describe me as a "free spirit". I mean, it should make complete sense...I am the baby of the family. The babies of the family are kind of known for being "free spirits"...along with other more inaccurate assumptions!! ;) I wasn't spoiled!! My parents did not "spare the rod and spoil the child". I definitely got my share of spankings growing up! (I even had to choose my own switch once when I was 5…I learned the hard way that smaller was NOT better!)

I just love the fact that God made each and every one of us so uniquely. Even though my mom is quite the realist, it helped even out my dad's dreaming tendencies! Of course in my eyes, I viewed my mom's realism as a party pooper! Now that I have grown and experienced more in my life, I realize that her realism is very necessary at times.

Back to our being made uniquely by God...I love the fact that God knew me before I was ever even in my mother's womb. He knit me together...the dreaming aspect of who I am and all. He specifically knitted me together with the passion for music and to worship Him with my voice. He knitted me together with the love to draw and paint and most of all mindlessly doodle. He knitted me together with the very genuine love I have for people. From the time I was old enough to talk, I never met a stranger. I loved everybody. (**insert my realist mom again...she about DIED whenever I would talk to a complete stranger, just knowing that I would get kidnapped someday. By God's grace, I was never kidnapped!**) God also knitted me together with a desire to worship Him, to encourage others, to allow the things that have happened in my life to bring Him glory in order to point others who are also hurting directly to the One who rescued me.

Every day I seem to discover something else about myself that will either make me crack up, humble me, or annoy me to no end. For instance, I am quite the perfectionist. I like to pretend that I am not...but because I am a perfectionist, even that isn't acceptable. I am really, really good with remembering people's names. (It's creepy) I am a list-maker. I will say "GOOD TIMES" when usually it actually isn't. I will crack jokes more often in an uncomfortable situation. I have a nervous giggle...I am completely aware when I am doing it...yet I cannot seem to stop **nervous giggle**. I smile a lot. I will literally have people say to me, "Where are you from? You aren't from here,” (NYC) “because you smile too much!" I am typically a happy, carefree, jovial person who genuinely cares about other people. I treasure friendship and will protect it to the end. I am a "big picture" person, who finds complete satisfaction in achieving the details along the way. I don't mind staying late for work or for a friend...but LOATHE having to come in super early or meet someone super early in the morning! I am a pen snob...I only like certain pens. (That may or may not be a little OCD--but I may or may not have come to terms with this! Ha!) I am quick to forgive, love, and share. All three tend to bite me in the butt at times...but after being so closed off to my emotions for so long, it feels amazing to be vulnerable and open again. I really want people to like me. I may act like it doesn't matter, but inside I really wish it were different. I will sing my sentences when I am overwhelmed. I cannot stand clutter on my desk, in my drawers, under my bed, in my closet. I like organization (I blame my mother for that one!!)...yet I am spontaneous. I describe my hairstyle at times as "organized chaos". I will make my bed at night before I get in it...hey, don't judge! ;) The list is really endless.

I share these things because I think it is amazing how God creates all of us so differently with unique talents, passions, dreams, and goals. When God created me, I would like to believe He blew the attitude of a "free spirit" into my being. We all have completely different strengths...yet we are all given a chance to enhance what we have been blessed with, and even better we are given chances to develop other areas of our life that we are a little weaker in.

Each one of us are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are hand-crafted in His image...yet so wonderfully unique. I am learning to embrace the things that annoy me; learning to thank God for the things that humble me; and taking the time to smile at the things that crack me up. We are all beautiful in our own special way.

Jeremiah 1:5 NIV "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."

LoVe

It just seems appropriate that since Hallmark has decided that February be a month focused specifically on love, that I would write about it. I, however, am writing from a different perspective than the way that the traditional Valentine's Day Hallmark Card tends to typically focus on. When you have expercienced love from the very Creator of love...the One who is called Love...you have experienced an authentic, genuine and unconditional type of love; a love that can only come from God.

"If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

[Chorus]
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours"

The lyrics above are from the song "Love Came Down" that was written and sung by one of my favorite Christian artists, Kari Jobe.

I am pretty sure we all have had those moments when we become so incredibly overwhelmed by a feeling or circumstance that we almost lose all focus. We lose all ability to hear any voice of reason. Suddenly everything around us becomes invisible, and all we can seem to put all of our attention on is ourselves. I have these moments more often than I would like to admit. There is hope though! I have come a long way and with each "moment", I am able to see the mighty hand of God in each circumstance.

God's faithfulness in my life really blows my mind. I am so humbled and amazed by how much God loves me. He will go out of His way to show me that love. There just aren't adequate words to describe how it impacts my life when He prompts others to pray for me, to come up and hug me, to simply smile at me and say hello. It in turn reminds me how important it is to reach out to other people and just love on them! A smile can turns someone's day around. Trust me, I know firsthand!


"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken."
Psalm 34:17-20 (ESV)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Isn't that beautiful? He loves us so much! We sang the bridge to one of my favorite worship songs at church last night...and the bridge is really quite simple - yet incredibly profound. The beginning of it goes: "He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves"...as I was singing this last night, I was overwhelmed with the love that my God has for me. If you would have talked to me exactly one week ago yesterday, you would have spoken with a person who was allowing her emotions and feelings dictate her reality. You would have spoken with a person who was under an attack from the enemy...who was believing the lies that were being whispered into her head..."you will never be good enough", "there is no way you will ever fit in", "no one really cares if you are there or not", "no one will really love you, you aren't worth it". These lies permeated my mind and began to try to take root there. I am learning, as Pastor Cymbala spoke, that we face attacks from the enemy typically in two situations: when you have recently experienced a spiritual high...or when you have experienced a broken heart. I have experienced both of these scenarios as of recent, so I was just a prime target for the enemy to attack. I almost fell for it. ALMOST!!!

A week ago today, through the prayers of faithful friends and through the love and faithfulness of God, I was able to cast those lies that I was beginning to believe into the trash. I began to claim God's promises...that He began a good work in me and that He will be faithful to complete it. I began to remember that He placed me here in NYC and specifically at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. You see, what the enemy wants me to lose focus on and completely forget is the fact that I am GOD'S. The enemy wants me to forget that I have a Divine Calling, that God has some amazing plans ahead for me, and that I am moving forward in the will of God. The enemy wants me to focus on myself...my shortcomings...the times that I have failed...the things I have allowed myself to think about or say that aren't in line with what God is all about. The enemy would love to take another 8 years of my life and sit me back down on that freezing cold spot on the bench that I once kept nice and toasty.

But guess what enemy??

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

Just like my pastor just recently said, "Nothing in this world builds faith like a good fight with the devil"...AMEN to that!! I feel even stronger and more determined to stay on track and focus with what God has called me to do. God uses these moments to help prepare me to in turn help others. That's what it's all about...reaching past yourself and extending love, mercy, grace, and hope to others who so desperately need it. It's not about ME...It's all about giving God the glory for His steadfast faithfulness in my life.

Everyone deals with similar struggles...you are never alone in your hurt or in the way you may be feeling. The enemy wants you to feel as if you are, though. It's his first line of defense between you and God. He wants you to seclude yourself, isolate yourself; he wants you to think you are all alone in this struggle and that absolutely no one can help you; he wants you to believe that no one cares about you and that you will never be able to find peace and joy. The enemy gets down and dirty. He doesn't care what type of hurt he inflicts on you. All he wants to ensure is that you are indeed injured...that you are hurt beyond what you would ever believe could be repaired...and that you are successfully sidelined and of no use in the work of God. Don't believe the lies. That is all they are...LIES!

God's love for us is so wide...so deep...and so GREAT! I am thankful for His faithfulness.