Get Up And Eat!

I realized as I was looking at my past blog posts that I haven't written since October of 2014. An ENTIRE year has gone by since I wrote last. That is hard to believe. It feels like it was just a couple of months ago. There have been so many changes in my life since my last post. There are stories that need to be shared, yet I am waiting for the right time and the right platform before these stories are told. I will tell my story, though. I believe that there is healing in telling others our story. God uses our stories to help others navigate through their own. We all influence each other, whether directly or indirectly. Our actions and decisions won't only affect our own life, but will bleed into the fabric of the lives of others we love and who love us.

Fear and the effects of depression seem to be the topic of choice for me and God today. God knows me so well and knows when I need a good word of encouragement. I thought I would share with you what He is sharing with me...maybe you will also find encouragement. There is a really interesting story in the Bible about a prophet named Elijah. His story can be found in 1 Kings 19:1-8.

Elijah was no ordinary prophet...he was a prophet who had the power to call forth a full-fledged drought at God's command that lasted 3 1/2 years. During that entire time God provided for Elijah by leading him to secret streams of water and actually dispatched birds to bring him food. Yet even after all of the victories that he experienced throughout that time, Elijah allowed ONE person's comment to defeat him...it made him flee for his life and pray for God to kill him. (Fear and Depression)

Doesn't that make you scratch your head?

This next part is what I love most about Elijah's story. You would think that God would be annoyed with Elijah. I mean, come on...all the things that God did for Elijah throughout that entire season of drought...and ONE WOMAN says something threatening to Elijah and now he is cowering and wanting to end his life? He had tunnel vision, and that tunnel was getting darker and darker and darker. Yet, instead of God becoming angry with Elijah, He reached down in love to help encourage Elijah. Not only does God not kill Elijah -- He cooks for him! God ignores Elijah's request to end his life and instead provides sustenance. God baked the bread for Elijah. He placed the food right next to Elijah's head, where he could not miss it! How gentle and kind is God? You can sense the overwhelming amount of love and concern that God poured over Elijah during a very difficult time. He is such a gracious God!

"When God finds us in our fears, He speaks to us, not with threats of attribution, but with reminders
of His care and concern. When we've become embarrassingly paralyzed by the wrong messages, He gives instructions for our benefit: Get up and eat! This is the essence of what I believe God would say to any of His children who have become dominated by the spirit of fear."

~Steven Furtick "Crash the Chatterbox"

God is nowhere to be found in the spirit of fear! God doesn't work that way! One of the enemy's favorite weapons against us is fear. If he can cripple us with fear, then he can keep us on the sidelines of life--essentially ineffective for Christ. I still battle with fear on a daily basis. A lot of times my fears morph into depression. Many times I am frustrated with myself for succumbing to fear and the lies of the enemy. Yet through all of the mayhem, God is fighting my battles for me. God is cooking a meal for me, putting it near my weary head, and beckoning me to "Get up and eat!" I'm learning how to fight through my fear. I'm learning how to think clearer when the lies begin to overcome me. I'm learning how to quiet the riot in my head. Do I fail sometimes and fall into a panic? Yes, I do. Often. Do I forget sometimes that what I'm allowing to fly around in my head is complete trash and full of deceit? Yes, I do. Often. Do I find myself on the edge of depression? Yes, I do. Often. But guess what? God knows my heart. God knows my state of mind. God knows my need for Him. He is always going before me. He is always setting my path.

Every day presents its new set of circumstances and obstacles. I have the opportunity in each moment to either choose life, joy, and peace...or death, sadness, and restlessness. It's easy to get shaken up and confused by the things life throws at us. I struggle every day. The one thing that is consistent in my life is God's voice that gently (or at times not-so-gently) speaks to me through other people, through certain situations, through certain observations, through Scripture and also through prayer. He is always actively pursuing my heart and attention. God's love for me is relentless. I fail Him every day, yet His love for me NEVER waivers. He is faithful and patient. I am very thankful!

So, what are we waiting for? Let's conquer FEAR together with God's help! :) Pray for me, and I will be praying for you! Lift up your head and be encouraged today, friend.

XOXO

Healing Oil

Have you ever faced the same trial over and over again? Have you found yourself in the same scenario...that same scenario you promised yourself you would never return to? Do you have a health issue that is leaving you discouraged? Have you recently lost a loved one? Did someone walk away from you and leave you feeling abandoned? Have you found yourself scraping your pennies up in hopes to buy just a little food? Do you struggle making ends meet? Have you done something that has left you feeling guilty and unwilling to forgive yourself? Do you need to forgive someone else? Are there memories that haunt you and strike up fear and anxiety in your life when remembered? Do you live with shame?

Over the past several years I have struggled with my health. In just the past two years it has become worse and I have had a couple close calls. Sometimes I allow myself to go into these seasons of darkness where I am discouraged and frustrated. I just want to feel better. I just want things to be normal. I become so consumed with my emotions and feelings. There are times I am just angry with God, not understanding why He won't just fix me. Not only have I struggled with my health over the past few several years, I have also struggled with depression. My emotions and feelings have taken precedence far too many times in my life. I have allowed those negative feelings and emotions to dictate what direction my attitude goes that day. It's a very dangerous and slippery slope. Just about a month ago, I found myself in a very dark place. It is a familiar place, as I have been in this pit before. It's a recurring season...just when I think it's been beaten, it comes back with a vengeance. I find myself again very frustrated and sometimes flat out annoyed with God. I just throw my hands up and think, "What's the use? I give up!"

Tonight I decided to open my bible (the actual Bible, not on my handheld device or iPhone)...I was unsure of where I would go...all I did was just ask God to speak to me. I opened my Bible to Jeremiah 29:11, a verse I am very familiar with and one that I love. After I read that familiar verse, I began thumbing through Jeremiah looking at the titles of the chapters and came across Jeremiah 30. Above the chapter number it reads, "Promises of Deliverance". I begin scanning the verses in this particular chapter, trying to allow God to lead me. I got to verse 17 and it says this,

"'I will give you back your health and heal your wounds', says the Lord." 

At the very time I read that passage, a song started playing on my computer on my Kim Walker Pandora station...I kid you not, it was "Healing Oil". Coincidence? I think not. God got my attention. I then immediately looked up the lyrics to this song and this is what it says...

"I could feel Your healing oil, running down my brow
  I wouldn't trade another lifetime for how I feel right now
  In Your presence Jesus
  You healed me, God, You healed me yea
  You healed me yea
  You healed me yea, oh I could feel it"
 It gave me goosebumps. Not only did God speak to me in His Word...He topped it off by then playing a song that confirmed it! I love how He knows each of us so intricately that He knew how to grab my attention! The verse not only says that He will give me my health...He also says that He will heal my wounds!!! Physical and Emotional! Wow! In Jesus' presence I will find my healing. Do I know what it will look like/ feel like? No...all I know is that I must trust Him completely with it all. I have to have faith.

There are many times that the enemy tries to convince me that I do not have a purpose. There are times, many times actually, that the enemy succeeds in convincing me that I am worthless...that I will never amount to anything...that I might as well just give up because God has given up on me. All of these things are lies...HATEFUL lies. God promises this in Jeremiah 30:16,

"But all who devour you will be devoured, and all your enemies will be sent into exile. All who plunder you will be plundered, and all who attack you will be attacked."

Not only will God give me my health and heal my wounds...He promises to put the enemy in his place!! God is giving me the victory! Amazing. It's time I fight back against the enemy and cry out Jesus' name...make him flee by just the sound of Jesus' name. Jesus!!! I am thankful for God's gentle reminders...and well, honestly, I need to learn to thank Him for the not-so-gentle reminders. Ultimately God allows these hard times in my life for one reason and one reason only...to draw me nearer to Him...to trust ONLY in Him...to realize that I have nothing else BUT Him!

Be encouraged friend. Understand that the trial is a tool. The trial has been set in place in order to grow our faith and ultimately usher us into the presence of God - IF we allow the trial to do just that. You are loved. God loves you so much. He is the Lifter of our heads. Stand tall, seek God's face, and enjoy His precious presence.

Quiet the Riot #operationfightback

I was given one of the most thoughtful going away presents recently. It is a book called "Crash the Chatterbox" that was written by Steven Furtick. The book confronts this inner dialogue that we constantly have with ourselves each and every day. From the time I wake up in the morning until the moment I fall asleep at night, I have thousands of thoughts racing through my head. Most of these thoughts are harmful, non-productive, negative, self-loathing, unnecessary, bold-faced lies. These thoughts have had free reign of my mind...allowed to skip through the fields of my brain and plant their untrue message wherever they would like. This place is called the battlefield of our mind. It's quite clear why it is described as a battlefield. Every single day, every minute, every second, goodness...every milli-second is either bombarded with truth or bombarded with lies. It all depends on our Walk and our time in the Word. It all depends on our relationship with Christ and how much we trust Him and allow Him to influence our every step.

The title of my post "Quiet the Riot" comes from Steven Furtick's book...and yes, that describes my thought life...a RIOT. There are moments of confidence in Christ and moments of knowing that I am His and that He has got my back. There are moments of faith, hope, and love. There are many more moments, however, when I am convinced that I am nothing...unworthy of love...that I am not liked or cared about...that I have nothing to offer. Those are the not-so-pretty moments that start the RIOT in my mind. It's like my thought life could be compared to the scene of a full-fledged water balloon fight that has commenced with 100 third graders running all over the fields of my mind trying to hit the other with a balloon that is filled with negativity, hatefulness, anger, insecurity, frustration, rejection, hurt, grief...the list could go on and on. Each thought hitting its target and bursting and soaking its harmful contents into my consciousness. Those 100 third graders (my raging thoughts) very rarely have anything good inside their balloon...and even if they were positive, there is a negative-filled balloon right behind it ready to burst and cover up any remains of positivity.

The more and more I struggle...the more I give in to my thoughts and "feelings"...the more I allow this unruly balloon fight to happen in my head...the more I become who I was never meant to be. We are called to fight back in this mental war. I can no longer allow my thoughts to determine my destiny. It's just like the Bible says in Ephesians 6:12 NLT, "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against the mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." This battle is REAL. This battle will and can completely destroy us if we don't begin to fight back with the tools and resources that God has so graciously given to us. We can be encouraged to know that we can and will have victory. The Bible also says in Romans 8:37 NLT, "No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." There is only ONE way to experience this overwhelming victory that the Bible speaks of...THROUGH CHRIST. Not through self-help books, texting a friend, seeking out ways to escape...only through Christ can we have the victory. Don't misunderstand me, God provides other great sources to encourage us in our walk with Him, but He NEVER wants those resources to trump the Only Source...Jesus!

It is time we start taking back the land of our mind. It is time we allow our minds to be renewed and refreshed and refocused on exactly what God has purposed for our lives. It is going to take time and a lot of discipline to force ourselves to stop thinking about that person who has hurt us, how we don't feel pretty (or handsome) enough, how we wonder if they even know we exist...and start thinking on that which is TRUE. Just like the Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8 NLT, "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

About a year ago I started using this hashtag...#operationfightback. It's time I start using it again...and maybe you could also use it when you have found a way to effectively fight back against the powers of this world and against the "balloon fight" that goes on in your own mind. You could share verses that have encouraged you along the way. I can attest to the fact that when other people share their stories and their hearts, it encourages the soul of the person who is struggling and hurting! Iron sharpens Iron...we are in this together! Let's start fighting back!

Crying Out and Up

"Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring me trouble on me and angrily hunt me down. My heart pounds in my chest. The terror of death assaults me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can't stop shaking. Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness."

~Psalm 55:1-7

David was such a complex person. He did a lot of good and a lot of bad in his life, yet no matter what he was called "A man after God's own heart". He was loved by God - unconditionally. God's love never waivered. David was a musician. If you are a musician also, you will know that we are a different breed of people. We tend to operate on the creative side of our brain. We tend to be more emotional and sensitive. (This is not a blanket statement. Not every musician or creative person is sensitive and emotional) Generally, a musician goes by the beat of his own drum and some musicians would define themselves as having a "free spirit".

I can identify with David on so many levels. When I read through the Psalms, I can empathize with the feelings that David so openly and honestly conveyed. He was "REAL". It is hard to come across people who are willing to be brutally honest and real with what they are feeling or what they are going through. Sometimes the fear of what other people will think hinders a person from truly showing who they really are. That is when the facade starts. That is when the pretending begins. The healing process doesn't begin until the mask of denial is unveiled and destroyed.

"Everything is falling apart;" ~Psalm 55:11a

Have you ever lost your hope? Have you ever just sat down in the middle of your crisis and given up? Have you ever felt like everything is falling apart?

Welcome to life, my friend. Goodness, life is so difficult sometimes. We live in a society that promotes the comforts of convenience, instant gratification, and multiple ways to numb or mask any type of pain we may be feeling. We almost feel entitled to a stress-free life and when it isn't stress-free, well...we panic. The fact is, God never once told us that our lives would be stress-free or easy. What God did tell us is that He is our Everything, our Healer, our Comfort, our Instant Gratification, our Restorer, our Uplifter, our Rock, our Fortress, our Shield, our Father; He is to be the One and only One.

If you haven't ever read through Psalm 18, I really encourage you to do it. It is one of my favorite passages of Scripture because it exemplifies God's love as our Father and to what lengths He will go to in order to protect us. It is a passage of ACTION.

First off, David begins the chapter acknowledging everything that God is:

" I love you, O Lord, my strength.

2  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,

my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,

my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

3  I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,

and I am saved from my enemies."

David then begins to express the anguish and fear that he is experiencing. He is being REAL. He is scared, afraid for his life, and feeling as if he will be overwhelmed by his enemies...mentioning "the cords of death", "the torrents of destruction", "the snares of death"...these are all his fears that he is expressing freely and openly. No masks. Just real.

Then David does the most important thing he could do...

"In my distress I called upon the Lord;

to my God I cried for help."

What happens next gives me the chills EVERY SINGLE TIME I read this passage of Scripture. I become overwhelmed with how much God loves us...to what lengths He will go to protect the very ones He has formed and created in His image.

"From his temple he heard my voice,

and my cry to him reached his ears."

Ok, this part of the verse alone is mind-blowing in itself. God hears our voice from His temple...God's ears hear our cry...He knows the very sound of our voice! Wow! And once He hears our cry, He goes into action. Watch what happens next,

"Then the earth reeled and rocked;

the foundations also of the mountains trembled

and quaked, because he was angry.

8  Smoke went up from his nostrils,

and devouring fire from his mouth;

glowing coals flamed forth from him.

9  He bowed the heavens and came down;

thick darkness was under his feet.

10  He rode on a cherub and flew;

he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.

11  He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,

thick clouds dark with water.

12  Out of the brightness before him

hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.

13  The Lord also thundered in the heavens,

and the Most High uttered his voice,

hailstones and coals of fire.

14  And he sent out his arrows and scattered them;

he flashed forth lightnings and routed them.

15  Then the channels of the sea were seen,

and the foundations of the world were laid bare

at your rebuke, O Lord,
at the blast of the breath of your nostrils."

WOW! God is a Mighty God! He is the God of action. He loves us so much that He would go to those lengths just to rescue us out of the mire; the sinking sand. It absolutely blows me away! And as a result of God's mighty acts,

"He sent from on high, he took me;

he drew me out of many waters.

17  He rescued me from my strong enemy

and from those who hated me,

for they were too mighty for me.

18  They confronted me in the day of my calamity,

but the Lord was my support.

19  He brought me out into a broad place;

he rescued me, because he delighted in me."

Psalm 18:1-19 ESV

There is so much more from this chapter left to share, but I will save it for another time. I just want to emphasize to those who may be hurting or completely overwhelmed today that God does hear you. He hears your very voice; the sound of your cries; the urgency of your pain. He wants to rescue you today and show you His love for you. All it takes is action. Call unto God and ask Him for help. Watch what God can do.

Broken Pieces

"It is a wonder what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces." ~Samuel Chadwick

This quote really captured my attention today. As soon as I read it I found myself feeling very convicted. I began to evaluate my life and if I am truly giving God all the broken pieces of my life. I am talking about those broken pieces that have been harbored and held on to. I am talking about those broken pieces that have been nursed and kept alive through sadness, selfishness, and pain. I am talking about those broken pieces that I just swept under the rug instead of throwing them away with all the other broken pieces.



I think denial has a large root in my harboring of broken pieces. Have you ever said, "I'm fine" or "I'm over it"...yet deep down in your heart, you know that you aren't? Have you ever said, "Well, I have totally given it over to God...I will let Him take it now"...yet you know that you haven't truly asked God to take your burden? I have "given" many things to God over the years, only to reach back in and grab it right back out. I have had a death grip on many of my wounds. I'm not really sure if it is more of an ownership mindset...this happened to ME...no one else understands. It may be this false sense of entitlement...how dare they do this to me, I didn't deserve this treatment. Whatever it is, it has kept me from letting go. Whatever the reason, it has kept me in bondage.

"God creates out of nothing. Therefore, until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him." ~Martin Luther

I had to read this quote a couple of times to really grasp the depth of these wise words. The truth is, broken men and women have nothing to protect and nothing to lose. When you are genuinely broken, you are able to set aside everything...not just bits and pieces. It's not easy to be broken, though. Being genuinely broken is painful...it's humiliating, yet it is the only way. The only way for any restoration or revival in your life, you must be broken...you must put down your pride and accept the fact that you are broken and only God can heal your brokenness.

I have said many times this year..."2013 just hasn't been my year"...and I usually follow that with a little laugh. What most people don't know that deep inside the crevices of that little phrase lives a lot of pain and sadness...there is a lot of unknown heartache and trial in that blanket statement. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at your situation to keep from crying.

"Being broken is both God's work and ours. He brings the pressure to bear, but we have to make the choice...All day long the choice will be before us in a thousand ways." ~Roy Hession

God has had to put a lot of pressure on me throughout my life in order for me to break. He has had to use circumstances to expose my need in order to bring me to the end of myself. He did this again in 2013. I am apparently a very hard-headed learner. You would definitely think that by now I would surely have it somewhat together...yet the truth is, I don't. God is continually bringing on the pressure in order for me to get to the end of myself so that I can see the undeniable need for Him.

You know how I mentioned earlier that brokenness is painful and is at times humiliating? This could not be more true!! When you are broken, yet still have pride...prepare for a disaster. Instead of surrendering my pain and sadness to God, I chose to roll around in it for a while. I allowed myself to enter a dark place of depression, when all I needed to do was trust God and give it to Him. That all goes back to my previous post when I stated that I lost faith...my faith weakened and my selfishness grew. The more my faith faded...the more my self-awareness brightened. Self-absorption took over. It was a hot mess and a very slippery slope.

My decline into my selfishness led to destruction. I couldn't cope any longer. All I needed to do was reach up and allow God to pull me out, yet I felt stuck in my muck. I felt like I was in sinking sand and was slowly slipping under the tiny grains and only my head was above it. It wasn't until my life was spinning out of control and God got a hold of my heart and mind and jolted me back into reality, that I found my brokenness. I found my brokenness aside from selfishness and self-absorption. I found the end of me, and the only way out was God. I really do wish I would just get with the program and not have to have these life-altering lessons in order to get to the end of me and realize that God is my ONLY option. I am always amazed at God's relentless pursuit of me. He loves me so much that He is willing to deal with this hard-headed student. I am also amazed by His grace. Wow, without His mercy and grace, there is no telling where I would be right now at this very moment.

Getting to the end of me was not easy...it hasn't ever been an easy process. It literally wasn't until I got back into the Bible that I began to find the end of me and in turn receive hope. The Word of God has this unmatched power to soften even my darkest of heart...it softened the hardened soil and essentially shattered my stubborn self-life.

"Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow. O give me back my joy again; You have broken me - now let me rejoice." ~Psalm 51:7-8NLT

The moment I waved my "white flag" and surrendered, the battle stopped and I was able to see clearly. It was almost unbelievable to most of my friends. In fact, I know for sure I had quite a few that just didn't believe that I could have changed my direction from destruction to repentance and hope that quickly. You know what though? I couldn't worry about if I lost friends due to the instant healing God provided me in my darkest of moments...sure, it was hard and it hurt...but all in all, the only thing I could put my attention on was my God who delivered me from such a dark place. The enemy loves to throw pain my way...mostly because I cave...I wither under the pressure...and then the cycle starts all over again. The thing that the enemy knows and hates is that my God is so much bigger. He is going to pull me through each and every storm. I just have to continue to grow my faith and not waiver.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to the purposes for them." ~Romans 8:28 NLT

God is using my pain and stubbornness to help and encourage others. He is allowing that which was so dark to be used to shed His light. So, back to those broken pieces. I have chosen to lift up the rug and gather the stray broken pieces that I have hidden and disregarded and refused to give to God. I have chosen to be broken and am in the process of allowing God to mend me back together. The more I saturate myself in the Word of God, the stronger I will get in my faith. It is as simple as that. So that brings me back to the very first quote on this post:

"It is a wonder what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces." ~Samuel Chadwick

I am excited to find out.

Where is God in my Journey?

Last week I was meeting a sweet friend for dinner in lower Manhattan. The quaint little café was in an area of lower Manhattan that I haven't had a chance to explore yet, so it was unfamiliar to me. I got the address of where I was headed, plugged it into a handy little app called HopStop and started making my way downtown after work. It had already started getting dark by around 4:45pm, and by the time I got out of work around 5:45pm it was as if it were 10pm. I hopped on the subway, got off on 14th Street and made my way to 12th Street. I looked at my phone to see what the HopStop app said the address was again where I was meeting my friend.

As I approached the address, I realized it wasn't the right restaurant. In fact, I don't believe it was a restaurant at all...it was a convenient store or something similar to that. So, I texted my friend to ask her where exactly the place was. Am I completely missing it? Is it right in front of me and I don't know it? After a couple of texts back and forth I texted her the address that she had given me earlier in the day, 195 E. 2nd Avenue. I explained that according to my directions, 195 E. 2nd Avenue was near 12th Street. Well, it ended up that she meant to say 2nd Street, not Avenue...and let me tell you, it makes a HUGE difference!! About 11 blocks and a couple Avenues of difference! At that moment, I felt a little LOST. It was several blocks out of the way to the F Train which would drop me off very close to the destination. So, instead I chose to walk it. It was much quicker to walk it than to backtrack to the closest subway.



That's really the first time in a long time that I genuinely got lost in the City. Manhattan is really easy to navigate until you get into lower Manhattan when it's less of a grid and more of named streets and twists and turns. I ended up in Alphabet City (which was where I was supposed to be, thank goodness!!) I am happy to report that I met up with my patient friend, we had a wonderful time catching up over yummy dinner and perfect conversation...I was just oh about 45 minutes late. (If you know me at all, I absolutely HATE being late!)

Coming to the realization that you are lost is a very unnerving feeling. Suddenly what may have once felt familiar is now completely unknown. Your surroundings begin to feel very foreign. Sometimes, even if we are provided with directions, we can unknowingly be led astray.

I have had to face the fear of feeling lost many times in my life. I don't mean directionally...but personally, even spiritually. I think I am headed in the right direction. I give it my all...only for it to crumble right in front of my eyes. I have seen doors that I thought were opening for me completely close shut, leaving me feeling empty and...LOST. I feel like I am on a deserted island screaming out for help and not a soul is within earshot. Except. God. Although I cannot even come close to understanding what Joseph must have felt throughout the hardships of his life...I just wonder if there were times while he was facing those hardships that he somehow felt LOST? Yet, I know that he had so much faith. He knew that the God he served loved him so much. He knew that the God he served had a Divine plan for his life. I can learn so much from Joseph's faith.

Over the past year or so of my life, I have been faced with some very interesting situations and circumstances. Some of them have brought so much joy, while others have led me into a very dark place of loneliness and depression. It's been quite the roller coaster with me in 2013, and the more I learn, the more I realize why. You see, my faith has waivered over this year. I haven't truly trusted and given God EVERYTHING. I haven't allowed myself to rely on Him wholly and completely.

Now, some may feel overwhelmed with the need to judge me at this moment. Some may say that you should never admit to lacking in your faith in any way. However, I have this need to be honest with people...and I do realize that at times I can be too honest and share too much! I guess more than anything I don't want to spend my life pretending I am some spiritual giant when in fact I am learning each and every day through this journey of life. I want to be relevant. I want other people to be able to relate to my stories and possibly find encouragement in knowing that they aren't the only one who struggles with faith...or should I say the lack thereof.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Where is God in my journey?" Have you ever felt defeated and discouraged because you just aren't sure what decision to make or which direction to go? You feel LOST? You imagine God is up in heaven looking down upon you and saying, "Well, I hope she makes the right decision...I have told her what to do...hope she heard me and makes the right choice". Or maybe you imagine God is behind you. He is looking over your shoulder and just waiting for you to make a mistake or do the wrong thing. I have some encouraging words for you today. These are words of TRUTH that I desperately need as well.

God is not behind us. God is not above us. God goes BEFORE us! You see, it may be unknown to you, but it's not unknown to God! There is so much comfort in this truth! He already knew you would lose your job. He already knew that you would lose that precious baby. He already knew that your house would go into foreclosure, or that you would not have enough money to keep on the electricity. He knew that you would have that disease. He knew that you would still be single at 35 (yeah, that one was for me!! Haha!). My point is this, God already knows. When you are at a crossroad, much like I am at this point in my life (again), or a big decision is ahead of you - you may feel alone, but you aren't alone. You will never step into any situation or circumstance that God has not already been there.

There is something that Joseph understood that I need to embrace and implement in my daily life starting immediately...it is found in Genesis 50:20 NLT, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Joseph had incredible faith. He knew that no matter what he faced, God intended it all for good. So, that job that was lost...that disease that is racking your body with pain...that broken heart...the loss of a loved one...the loss of a home...the long season of singleness...each and every single situation and circumstance that we face, God intends it ALL for good! How awesome is that? It's got to stop being "head" knowledge and must move down into your heart...into the innermost being of your soul. This message is for me more than anyone else...I have got to believe and have faith.

Without faith...we have nothing.

Without faith we have fear, loneliness, sadness, guilt, shame, restlessness, sleepless nights, stress, anger...the list could go on forever. When we embrace TRUTH, our faith is strengthened. The more we seek God, the more our faith gets stronger and stronger. The more we worship and praise God, especially when we just don't think we can, the more our faith grows and grows. I don't know about you, but I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am thankful that God loves me so unconditionally and is so patient with me. If you are facing the same issues today, where your faith is a bit on the anemic side...start seeking God and find out what it is like to get a faith transfusion.



Casting Stones

Casting Stones

How many times have we as Christians found ourselves looking at someone's personal situation or circumstance and formed a judgment upon them? How many times have we looked down upon someone, completely bewildered and confused as to why they would make such a choice or decision? We formulate a hypothesis of how that person must be out of the will of God...after all, only good things happen when you are in the will of God. Clearly that person is in some sort of heinous sin or lifestyle and God is casting heavy discipline on them. 

We carry our self-righteous conclusions...at times we even verbalize them to that person, in Christian love of course...we make sure that it is crystal clear to that person that he/she must repent and get their life back on track. We share that person's situation or circumstance with fellow self-righteous, perfect Christians (in concern, of course) for that person. We join in "prayer" for that poor soul who is aimlessly floundering through one bad decision after another. We watch that person spiral down a slippery slope, hoping that one day God will be real enough to that person so that they will gain hope and clarity. We join hands with each other and support each other through the difficulty of having to deal with this person and their poor, destructive, and improper behavior. We choose to do what we feel is best for this person by alienating them, by giving them a version of "tough love".

We talk about how we need to show more compassion to the hurting...to those who don't know God...how we need to reach out a hand and help pull them up. However, it's just a warm, fuzzy, biblical speech that has nothing but the weight of phariseeical foundations throughout it.

Have you ever heard someone say "Love is a Verb"? Well it is. Love requires action. Love is a choice. Love is a lifeline. Love is an extension of our heart to another person. Words without action are empty. I say over and over again that I want to become a runner. I talk about how I need to commit myself to this endeavor. I look up the running plan of "Couch to 5k". I write it up, preparing for each day. I have all the best intentions in the world. I have no plans of not following through. The day comes that my training officially begins...the day that will require ACTION. For one poor excuse or another I fail to follow through. The plan was there, the preparation was taken, the end result was all mapped out. Yet, no action. Have I run a 5k yet? Nope. It not only takes good intentions, lofty goals, positive talk...it takes action. 

Is this an accusatory post? No, it's not intended to be. If anyone needs to read this it is me. I will never stand before you claiming perfection. I will never say I have it all figured out...and honestly, if you know me at all you are fully aware of my flaws! The point of this post is to simply shed light on the importance of putting action behind our words. If you say that you love someone, show them. Just telling someone you love them and that you really care about them is only one part of the complex equation. 

The ministry of Jesus was nothing but words in action. He showed His love through actions that shook the destructive direction of the universe. His love for us is unconditional, passionate, relentless, and ultimately rescuing us from eternal damnation. If Jesus just talked the talk and never backed up any of His words with action, we would all be destined for an eternity in hell. When Jesus was hanging on the cross, He could have used His "talk" and could have commanded 10,000 angels to release Him from the excruciating pain of the cross and take Him up to heaven, but because of His understanding of the power of the cross and the fact that His action would save all mankind, Jesus was called to action and suffered in our place. Beautiful words in action. What a mighty God.

Love is a verb.

How many times do we pick up little stones (meant to represent our own self-conceived wisdom and piety) on our journey in life? We find a stone that grabs our attention, put it in our bag of pious hypocrisy, and continue about our daily life. We look at others, expound on all the spiritual wisdom we have accumulated over our journey...we talk, talk, talk...while gathering what we feel are "spiritual" stones...only to  use to throw at other with the misguided intention of helping them, of course. We find a fellow sojourner who is struggling...maybe they are in the midst of sin (by the way, we are ALL in the "midst of sin") and they are drowning. 

It's time we stop casting stones at those who need love. Sometimes it's not only about the words you share with them, it's about the love you show them. Take action like Jesus did with the woman at the well. Instead of allowing those Pharisees to stone this woman to death for being caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus said "He who has no sin, cast the first stone". Jesus took action...He wrote something in the dirt (what I wouldn't give to have been able to see what He wrote in the dirt)...ultimately causing those Pharisee's one by one walk away...from the oldest to the youngest. Jesus took another action...He lovingly asked her, "where are your accusers?" and He called her to action. "Go and sin no more". A beautiful story of unconditional love, grace, and mercy. 

Reach out to someone who is hurting today.  Not only tell them you will pray for them but go that extra step from words to action and ask them what you can DO to help. Love them with your words. Love them with your actions. Love. 

Don't allow yourself to be convinced that you can't really help someone...or that your action of love toward that person who desperately needs it would be in vain. Don't put expectations on the recipient of the action of your love, but rather view it as an action of obedience to God. Don't hold on to the responsibility and expect anything in return. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in that life. Take your hands off of it and allow God to do the rest, but don't use that as an excuse for you to stop continuing to show that person love.

It's time for us to not only talk the talk, but to also add that next element of our daily worship, and walk the walk. It's time we value other people...that we see them as God sees them. 

We have all casted our "spiritual" stones against another person before. Imposing our "wisdom" on them and in return expecting our profound and puffed up wisdom to magically fix that person. If we feel they haven't accepted our wisdom or haven't done exactly what we think they should have done, we throw the whole "well, I am just not going to reach out anymore"... "there is nothing else I can do to help you"... "It's in God'd hands now-I am walking away". I sure am thankful that God didn't decide to do that to us. 

Before you throw in the towel and give up on someone, search your heart and seek God on that decision before you abandon someone who desperately needs your love. 

This journey called life is complicated...it's difficult...it can be scary. We aren't meant to walk this life alone-we are supposed to walk hand in hand with our brothers and sisters...no matter what. This is my prayer as I continue to grow in my walk with the Lord and also my walk with the relationships He so graciously gave me. 

We need to love more. People are hurting. Time is running out. Drop the weight of false love and enter into a fulfilling life of actively loving others.